Have Your Cake and Eat it Too
“I always try to have my cake and eat it too, and you totally can”
“Cause why the fuck not”
“Exactly. People who say you can’t, they’re not creative enough, or they’re too scared”
Give this a listen while you’re here: Sam Smith – Stay With Me (Rainer + Grimm Remix)
Someone told me that today after I was talking about how guilty I feel sometimes about being here. I tend to have a lot of guilt, like why do I deserve what I’m doing and where I am. I can’t think of any other answer than.. doesn’t everyone deserve to be happy? Absolutely. This also gave me a new perspective on the quote after only ever thinking of Holiday in the Sun (too many Mary Kate and Ashley references in my life).
I tried to make this blog look less obnoxious, i.e. taking out my winky face at the top, but I spent more time changing the fonts in the CSS editor than I’ll probably spend writing this post. When I’m editing or writing code is the only time I am completely thoughtless, well besides sleep. And careless I guess, because my mind is so focused on one thing and it’s really hard to get out of. I guess that’s how I know I’ve found what I really enjoy doing. Nothing else in the world matters, and it’s one of the few times I can actually ignore the distraction of my phone.
Kind of like when I was driving on the autobahn to Prague almost two weeks ago. I love driving, usually by myself because it’s also one of the only times my mind is only focused on one thing (or two including music). It definitely took a new-found amount of focus to drive on the autobahn, #1 because it’s entirely different than something I’ve ever driven on before, and #2 I was driving at a steady 150 km/hour for the most part. I had some pretty great passengers and we drove to the most beautiful city I’ve seen so far in my life. I think I can say that now – might be changed after this weekend in Paris. Twelve of us took on Prague: saw a majority of the city in 2.5 hours on a bike tour, ate some Czech food, turned our hostel into a club (or so we thought), climbed a hill (felt like a mountain) in our weakest state, climbed a mini Eiffel tower, crossed a lot of bridges, ate some Boom! gelato, didn’t have any absinthe unfortunately/fortunately, which all summed up to be a pretty unforgettable weekend.
This past weekend I went to Tübingen, a town about an hour south of here. It is gorgeous and felt a lot different than Stuttgart. It made me realize how modern and big city-like Stuttgart is compared to Tübingen, which has a river…who doesn’t want a river? I miss water a lot. I’ve never been landlocked before and just as the old saying goes, you don’t know what you got til it’s gone. The Long Island Sound and Lake Ontario will still be there when I get back, just as dirty I’m sure, but they’re still a good escape and look really pretty (when the sun hits them the right way).
And then there’s school too, I guess. I do enjoy my classes but it’s such a different atmosphere than Ryerson, but I don’t mind that at all. It feels pretty weird not having 7 projects to be worrying about all the time, or 25 emails coming in my inbox everyday reminding me of all that I should be stressed about. I think I’ve gotten used to it, which is also kind of scary because it’s going to be really difficult to go back next year. Ryerson should adopt a more relaxed culture like this (ha ha). It’s crazy to think that they are doing exams right now when I could probably count the number of classes I’ve been to on my hand (excluding German). Back home I like to be busy 24/7 and usually feel anxious when I don’t have something to do. I don’t feel that way here, and it’s amazing to have let go of that. It was a blessing and a curse. But tonight I had one of the most productive nights since I’ve been here. I actually worked on the website I’m under a contract for and wrote one of these.
Et puis, je vais aller au Paris ce week-end et je suis très excitée! Vive la France! Not sure if that’s all grammatically correct, even after taking French for 10 years, but hopefully I’ll muster up the confidence to actually speak it there.